Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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