that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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