So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
