is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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