I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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