I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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