oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
