you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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