wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
