I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
