I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
