You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
