hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
