How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize