I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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