We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
