I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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