Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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