Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize