ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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