I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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