then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize
