also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
