my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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