I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
