I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
