I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
