you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
