my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
