Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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