What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
