im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
