if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
