Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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