I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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