I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found your dick twin last night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
