i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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