At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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