and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize