I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As shirtless as possible
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
