I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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