I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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