why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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