I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
should my penis look like a turkey
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
