girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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