dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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