dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
