ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
