I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
