If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize