Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
