Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
