Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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