when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
