Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
