Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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