I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
