so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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