So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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