Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
