Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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