The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
