why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
