My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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