you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
