The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think i have two assholes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
