I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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