You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
