Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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