I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
