well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
